It has been a while since I posted last. We have been home 2 weeks and are in the middle of a massive adjustment time (both for us and for V). Finally have adjusted to the time changes and starting to figure out what it is like to have 2 kids at home. We have had many dr's appointments to schedule - are up to 8 for this month - and we have our good days and not so good ones. Yesterday started out well but went down hill after V's school evaluation. We met with a Russian psychologist and it seemed to go well but V had a rough day afterwards. She talked a little bit about the desky dom and spent time identifying objects, doing puzzles, etc. I think it was tiring for her and a bit overwhelming as most things are right now. Her first melt down was about an hour after the exam and they came pretty steadily every hour after that getting worse and longer as the day went on. She had so many that by dinner time she was hoarse. We did get a little reprieve right before bed time and she fell asleep pretty quickly after telling us she loved us and did not battle bed (I don't think she had any energy left). She is in a good mood this morning and I hope that she got a pretty good night sleep.
We know this is all normal, she has had massive changes in her life and feels as if she has no control and is trying to assert it when she can. The psychologist says there are really good signs of attachment going on and that is really good. That will take a long time but the good thing is she trusts us enough to look to us for her care. It is hard, sometimes I want to take her lead and throw my own temper tantrum too, I want to tell her "it is not fair, I agree" and go bury my head in my blankets and go back to bed but being a mom means we can't do that (unless DH is home, then taking a much needed break is VERY helpful). We did a ton of research, read books, talked to other parents but until you are in the middle of it, it all seems doable, then you start to have doubts. My doubts are not about V, but about whether or not I have what it takes to be her mom. Can we find all of the help she needs, can I remember not to take it personally when she is throwing things at me, can I remember that she is a hurting little girl who needs more love, understanding and care than I am sometimes confident I have in me to give? The good thing is after a good nights sleep, you remember you can do this and sometimes it just takes putting one foot in front of the other. We won't always be in transition, we won't always be thinking of adoption and at some point in time we will be able to just be a family for a bit.
Hi Michelle, Following you experience has been so moving for me... I am a total wannabe who would love to offer a loving home to a child in need around V's age... so you are very much my hero! What you are doing is intensely humanitarian, I so admire you and I'm on the edge of my seat relishing the details. My feeling is V's tantrums are due to the challenging doctor visit schedule since she's been home - at age 5 you only want life to be fun - since she can't understand the dire importance of this phase, there are bound to be adverse reactions. Not to mention the transition between her old life and her new one... Once you get her health issues stabilized the transition phase will greatly improve...imagine how much better she will feel physically! I feel for you in this tough but necessary process... the phase V and your family are going through now reminds me of the process of a newborn infant joining a family - they have so many crying spells and physical challenges during those first few months! In any case, I'm here rooting for you and V, its a tough process but an oh so special one... you are all so lucky to have found each other!
ReplyDeletehugs,
~deborah